Friday, August 21, 2009

LimeWire or Are software programmers alcoholics or evil apes

OK, I've been around computers my entire life. I've studied programming. I know all ins and outs of the M$ Windows. For years I was compulsively trying out every new software that came out. I'm no fool in that area.

So, I was installing LimeWire, a peer-to-peer (P2P) software, greatly respected over the Internet. Now, my computer is an ancient piece of crap, but it pretty much runs all software relatively smoothly, with a bit of heavy breathing with eviler graphic programs like CorelDraw and such. Still, all is nicely usable and acceptably smooth.
Well, not this gem. Installation took more than 10 minutes (I should've timed it, but I wasn't expecting that a 20 MB software could ever take more than 1-2 minutes - it never did), my desktop was freezing/unfreezing the entire time. Then I started the program. Oh my. I heard my PC cry. Then weep uncontrollably. It looked like a fucking slideshow. It pretty much took all the RAM I had available and cozily nested its bastardly carcass in it, while continuously taking up 100% of my processor (a normal P2P program takes no more than 20%). But I guess anything less than 100% would be not-good-enough-for-the-greatest-software-ever™. I joined my PC in weeping.

Nevertheless, I gathered the strength to actually do a search. I entered a few of the unbelievably obscure bands from Europe, expecting my PC to melt. Now, this may be some English conspiracy, being that all 3 bands were Irish underground bands, because LimeWire found nothing. Right. Except he did find a plethora of Miley Cyrus videos that were mysteriously connected with my search. Interesting. She's evidently Irish.
Uninstall time. Throwing ice cubes on my CPU time.

Is there a software firm out there that employs severely mentally retarded people? After this trip, I'm quite sure of it. I'm sending them my CV:

Name: Gorilla
Occupation: gorilla
Working experience: being gorilla
Special skills: peeling bananas and throwing feces

I expect they'll say that they can't (unfortunately) employ me, as I am severely overqualified. Next time I'm squeezing limes for my feces mojito™, I'm doing it against my hairy forehead.
Go team Gorilla.


  1. I can't get Limewire in Canada unless I pay for it. I'm el cheapo. Is it as cool as they all say?

  2. HAHA!! But when I search anything I get Miley Cyrus too. Intriguing.

  3. Limwire smokes huge pole. Huge. Take a crack at soulseek.

    always been good to me.

  4. I've been using Soulseek for years. It's ugly. And there the flaws stop. It's well written and fast and reliable and FREE. It just didn't find what I was looking for so I thought I could give a shot to this best-in-da-world-software. That went well...

  5. God, this is a boring post. Technology? IT? What are you, a normal human being?