Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Importance of Being Seagull Or The Old Man and the Seagull

BBC reported a story with the following title: Attacker throws animal semen over girls in Bury (link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/manchester/8495630.stm).

What was unsurprising, yet eerily unsettling, was the quote of Detective Inspector Lynne Vernon of the Greater Manchester Police: "None of the victims was physically harmed in anyway but this is still a disgusting act". Now, setting aside the obvious police-grammar errors (...none of the victims were... and ...in any way...), the badge-wearing genius has also insulted the distinguished society of the Gull. VICTIMS? Helloooo?!

Online dictionaries claim:
Victim - one who is harmed or killed by another.
Yet he says they weren't harmed in any way. In ANY way. So they can't be considered victims.

I vote the sentence "None of the victims was physically harmed in anyway" the wrongest, obtusest, ridiculousest sentence ever, from now known as the WORSE. As in - people started the weekly tradition of seagulling Mr. Vernon's family to settle the score for the WORSE.

The gadgetless inspector continues with: "...but this is still a disgusting act and the person responsible must be caught." Right. And then you, the semen-smearing ethics expert, will quote Immanuel Kant to him, until he admits the vileness of his ways.

Fly low and aim high, brothers Gulls. And don't believe the newspapers. They are written by the illiterate, lazy, lesbigay scallywags, better known as the ILLS. And you don't go wounding what you can't kill. So they ill what they can't wound. The lamapalooza ends now. :p

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